Mommy's Juice!: 2014   

Thursday, December 4, 2014

We've Gotta Get Out More!

Living far from family is a bummer. You miss hanging out with them, you miss their home cooking, you miss free baby-sitting.... Okay, so it's the free baby sitting I miss the most, can you blame me? Unfortunately I still haven't been able to find reliable baby sitters. They've all come and gone faster than I can get the kids to remember their names. Which makes a night out for the hubby and I a mere illusion of something that happened a long, long time ago.

Recently I did a favor for one of my son's teachers and in return she offered to baby sit. Normally the only time I go out of my way to schedule a sitter is if Travis or I have a work commitment. With no work commitments on the horizon I realized we could actually take the night to do WHATEVER WE WANTED!!!! And what I wanted, more than anything, was dinner and a movie. 

The last time we went to dinner and movie was in 2007. Yes, 2007! When we got into the theater my husband sat down in one of their cush seats and asked, "when did they get these?" Uh... three years ago. (I only know this because I've taken a few naps in the seats for such wonderful performances as The Lego Movie).

We went to see Gone Girl, which even with the early show didn't end until after 9pm. As we were leaving I asked Travis if he wanted to go grab a bite to eat. His response... "do you think anyone is still serving?" WE HAVE GOT TO GET OUT MORE!!!

Upon arriving to one of our favorite restaurants, for the first time with no kids on our side since Jackson was born, Travis was shocked to hear that we'd have to wait on a table. As if we were the only two people in town that could have possibly still been looking for food at that time on a Friday night!!

I ate as slowly as I could, trying to enjoy every second of the freedom I'd missed. Hell, I even made Travis hold my hand at one point, an action that would have sent our two boys in hysterics had they been there. In fact, they probably would have found the entire night funny. Why in the world would Mommy and Daddy want to hang out without us? That couldn't possibly be any fun! Guess what kiddo's - it was fun and now that I remember how fun it is to hang out WITHOUT YOU I intend to go baby sitter hunting. 




Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Why Can't They Lie When I Want Them Too?


Jackson hops in the car this morning where I am waiting to drive him to camp and my first question is: did you brush your teeth? "Yes," he replies. "Is that the truth," I ask. "Yes, I don't lie!" Alrighty then, car goes into drive, Mommy hits the gas, looks in rear view mirror and sees Daddy chasing us down the driveway with a toothbrush in his hand. Nope, Jackson doesn't lie at all!

And he certainly doesn't lie WHEN I WANT HIM TOO. Example: we are at the pool a couple of weeks ago and Trey starts dancing around in the water yelling "I need to go pee! I need to go pee!" As I am scooping him up to race to the restrooms the following conversation took place between Jackson & I in front of the entire pool:

Jackson (yelling): Just go in the pool Trey!

Me (in my most serious, very responsible Mommy voice): Jackson honey, we do not pee in the pool.

Jackson (now yelling even louder as I am moving further away from him): But I pee in the pool all the time!

Me (defeated yet still giving it the old college try): You do not!

Jackson (never one to give up a chance at the last word): I just did!

Honesty can be a bitch. Last Saturday the boys and I went bike riding on a trail with a section that runs through a high-end golf course. We stopped for a quick water break just as a ball hit the grass by us and bounced directly on the trail in front of us. Jackson heads straight towards the ball just as the caddy comes running up yelling "nooooo." Luckily Jackson tends to listen to strangers better than he does me and stopped dead in his tracks before reaching the ball. 

"Why can't I pick up the ball'" Jackson innocently asks the caddy. 

To save the caddy I answer, "we aren't allowed to take balls from the golf course honey."

To which he replies WHILE PICKING UP THE DAMN BALL, "Why not? We do it all the time
Mommy." A flip in the air and a drop in his pocket later I stand ashamed, tattled on by a righteous 6 year old who doesn't know when to keep the truth to himself.

Next thing you know he'll be announcing at every Amusement Park "But Mommy, Trey isn't under 3 anymore!" But back to my first problem, where in the world would be learning to lie like that!



Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Raising a Lady's Man


A friend recently asked Jackson if the girl he was playing with was his "girlfriend."  Needless to say this question for a six year old boy is right in line with asking a woman of my age and size, "are you pregnant?" Embarrassing!!!!

So here we are at the "boy's rule, girl's drool" stage. Dolls are stupid, anything pink must not even touch their manly sensitive skin, and even though both of my kids can sing every word of "Let it Go," by heart, Princess' are far inferior to dragons and legos! Being the only girl in my house I should probably take offense to my children's sudden disgust of anything having to do with the female species. But they're young! I'm sure my dad ignored by "girl's rule, boy's drool" days too. I've just been taking it all lightly, knowing one day when I've got a 15 year old's dad knocking on my front door that I'll wish they still didn't like girls!

My lightness took a sudden turn last night though as they boys were exchanging their usual jabs at each other:

Trey: "You smell like butt crack!"
Jackson: "You eat your boogers!"
Trey: "You like stinky girls!"
Jackson: "You bite girls butt's!"
Trey: "You....." 
HOLD UP!!!!! Did I just hear "bite girls butt's?" Okay, maybe we've gone a bit far here. I'm not raising the next Marv Albert am I??????

Time for Mom to step in, teach a little respect, explain why girls in fact don't stink as bad as boy's do and that girl's butt's are not made for biting but little boy's who say such nasty things just might have butt's made for spanking. After receiving "yes m'ams" from around the table I went back to my business, only to hear a whispering smirk behind me, "Mommy's your girlfriend!" Hands down, the best insult of the night!


Wednesday, May 14, 2014

That Was No Cartoon!

12 Years a Slave (2013) Poster

My oldest son is nearly 6 and I can tell you, in the last six years the only movies I've seen in a theatre have involved some sort of animated animal, Princess, or odd looking Lego character. So yes, I'm late to the party. I'm that person watching the Oscars and pulling for whoever looked best in the trailer since I never actually made it to the movie.

From there I sit back and wait for the day when rushing my kids to the children's section of the library I may notice one of these Oscar winners on the front row of the movie rental section and can grab it before one of the boys screams loud enough to have my library card revoked!

Such was the case last week when I noticed the title "12 Years A Slave." I immediately grabbed it having heard the reviews and praise. I watched the movie last night after the kids were in bed and I sit here tonight with it still haunting me. An outstanding movie without doubt. A story, based on an actual real person's experiences, that is riveting. And yet, one of the most disturbing movies I've ever sat through.

But sit through it I did. Through the beatings, through the emotions that will rip your heart out, through the inequality, disrespect and unspeakable racism that I can only pray my children are never privy too. I sat through it and cried, tried to understand that unspeakable pain and despair, because what right do I have to turn my back to it? 

If I had rented Oscar nominee The Wolf of Wall Street instead, would I have even remembered it today? Would I have taken the time last night to pray for those poor souls that suffered through lives of slavery?

No, I don't have much time for movies these days. But damn if I'm not thankful for picking up one that reminds me of how lucky my children and I are to live in a place without that extreme racism. Racism as a whole will likely never end, but thank God for reminders to teach equality of all people to our children in the hopes that positive change continues and eventually wins.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Taking One for the Team



Below you will find an actual email exchange between my boss and I that took place last week when I noticed that my favorite band, Pearl Jam, would be headlining the ACL Festival this fall. 

From: Me
Sent:
To: Him
Subject: Fwd: The 2014 Lineup Is Here

I think I need to go do some research at this one!

From: Him
Sent:
To: Me
Subject: RE: The 2014 Lineup Is Here

What and leave your family behind?

From: Me
Sent:
To: Him
Subject: RE: The 2014 Lineup Is Here

YES, just this once I would take one for the team.

From: Him
Sent:
To: Me
Subject: RE: The 2014 Lineup Is Here

Your work ethic is admirable. 

Do you think that was sarcasm? I think it just might have been. My guess is the root of his sarcasm is coming from the fact that I recently asked for a more flexible schedule so that I could spend more time with my family. Which I was very generously granted. Little did I know at that time that PEARL JAM would be playing at a Festival I've wanted to go to for years!! And because I actually work for an organization that puts on music events, I think it is the perfect opportunity for me to do some research. 

So yes, I do want to take one for the team!! Yes, my work ethic is admirable! And yes, he told me no.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Butt It's Spring Break!

I'm just guessing that for most moms spring break is a happy time. A time to spend time with your children that you don't normally have. To get to explore the things they have learned through the school year. To celebrate their accomplishments thus far. This was my image of my first spring break with a kindergartner.

So can someone please explain to me how this magical week ended with me close to a murder conviction and two kids with the biggest potty mouth I've ever heard??

Seriously, what the fu#% is funny about the constant repeat of words like: "butt" "penis" "boogers" "fart" and "crack." It starts with the 5 year old, rubs off on the three year old, and before I know it my 40-something year old husband is telling me he feels a fart exploding from his butt crack!

Here I was expecting an opportunity to explore how far he's come since his first day of school. Exploring what a great reader he's become! How well his addition & subtraction has come! How many sentences he can now say in Spanish!

But in the place of my hola's and adios' I was greeted with "butt cracks," and "stinky farts." I know my child is better than this! I know he's learned more this year than kids that eat boogers are gross. Where is my future Harvard Grad? Should I be worried he's more interested in bodily functions than body mass?

Maybe I should. Or maybe I should just look at spring break like I did when I was younger, a release from the mind, a release from the order, the party of the year!!!!!!  Or......for a five year old, the chance to say "butt" as many times as you can in one week!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

My Agent of Change


Happy Earth Day Everyone! I'm taking the morning off from work today so that I can go to Jackson, my kindergartner's, Earth Day Parade. The entire Elementary School will be marching through the streets of our small Colorado Town singing their Earth Day song in unison. The song that Jackson has been practicing for the last two weeks. The song that I can only get out of my head when the kids decide to watch Frozen for the millionth time and I am lucky enough to replace Earth Day song with the horrific melody of "Let it Go." Why, oh why Disney have you done this to parents across the world???

But back to the Earth Day song. One day Jackson came home and just started belting out this catchy tune:
"We've got the power. We are the future. We are the agents, agents of change. We know the problems. We've got solutions. We are the agents, agents of change." 

As I was listening to the lyrics I felt a bit of pride. Here is my 5 year old son letting the world know that he has solutions to our problems! He is going to make a change! He is our FUTURE!!!! If I'd only known then that I was going to have to spend my morning standing on the side of the street listening to 500 kids sing those words I might not have been so excited, but at the time my son's brilliance was sure to save the planet.

What surprised me the most about this now hated song that never leaves my head except when Frozen is on, was the stark difference in the message my son is learning in kindergarten vs. the messages that were engraved in my kindergarten mind. Messages like: GRADUATE! I feel like not dropping out of school and getting your high school diploma was the most important thing in the entire world when I was 5, when I was 7, when I was 12, and even more urgently in my teen years. My teachers weren't telling us we could change the world, they weren't even suggesting we consider college yet! The high school drop out rate in the area I grew up in was so high that they literally just wanted to make sure we stuck around long enough to get a diploma in our hands. 

I'm not even sure if Jackson knows what a high school diploma is. But I do know that he has solutions! Solutions for change!!! And I'd say that motivation is a lot more likely to lead him to GRADUATE from high school, GRADUATE from college, and who knows, maybe just save the world!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

That There Clark is an RV

It's official, I am a Redneck! Don't get me wrong, this is actually a fact I've been well aware of for many years. Maybe it has something to do with growing up in a town with not one single stoplight. Or maybe it has something to do with the way my family says certain words:
Monday = Mondee
For = fer
Beer = Bud

Yet, I've always tried to rise above the redneck blood pulsing through my veins. I drink wine that doesn't come out of a box. There is meat in my freezer that I didn't personally kill. And my curtains come in colors different from camouflage.

And yet, when I sat with friends at a fundraiser for the kid's daycare last Friday night and they began to tell my husband and I how they were selling their pop-up camper for an upgraded version I thought to myself, "what a fabulous addition for our family." With a pop-up we are certain to camp more, spend more time together, and create more memories for our children that they will cherish.

Three days later we took a look at the pop-up and agreed to purchase it. So excited I called my parents to let them know of our new purchase. Immediately my dad (a redneck and damn proud of it) laughs, making fun of his new redneck grandchildren. I jokingly told him when we hit the campgrounds I'd throw Travis out of the camper with no shirt on and a Budweiser in his hand to guarantee our spot. Dad says, "oh no, you're an RV owner now, he'll have to drink PBR." At this comment I nearly choked!!! Why you ask? Because, all kidding aside, when we went to look at the RV the owner came out with a PBR in his hand!! Coincidence? I don't think so!

Regardless, I'm excited about our new purchase and the adventures our family will take. And if my kids come out of these adventures declaring that "On Mondee they'll be reddy fer a Bud," well so be it!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Grab A Glass & Join Me!

Anyone there???? It's been a long time since I visited this spot. Funny how you can just be going along with your day to day and then realize, wait something's missing here. What has been missing for me lately is this little blog I call my release. Release from my full-time job, release from my two little devils, release from the constant comings and goings of a day.

I actually didn't realize this was what was missing until one morning last week. For once I actually had a few minutes to kill before running out of the house to a meeting so I turned on the Today Show. Sipping coffee I heard from the television the words "mommy's juice." Hey, wait a minute, I'm Mommy's Juice! The report I was overhearing was about a rise in the trend of mother's who drink (DUH) and how common it is now for children's playgroups to include a bottle of wine for the moms (just one??), hence, "Mommy's Juice."

Well no way in hell am I going to let Matt Lauer steal my thunder. I am Mommy's Juice and just because I took a little unintended break doesn't mean I don't have a boat load of ridiculous stories to share with the world. So grab a glass of wine and get ready for a few well deserved laughs, tears and blurred lines!


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