Mommy's Juice!: July 2013   

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Celebrity Buzz


Growing up, whenever I was asked the inevitable question, "what do you want to be when you grow up," my answer was always the same: "FAMOUS!" Mind you, I had no idea exactly how I was going to be famous, I just knew that is what I wanted to be. I carried that dream with me up until the last possible moment, when I had to chose a college major. I could't sing or play an instrument, so music was out. Aside from a few Church plays I had no acting experience so theater was out. After embarrassing myself multiple times on my High School debate team, politics was out. With a love of late night visits to Taco Bell modeling was out. And with a current event knowledge that peaked at who had dumped who on last weeks episode of Beverly Hills 90210, reporting was out. Hence, one Recreation Management degree later, my dream of being famous had faded.

Driving into work this morning I tuned into "Celebrity Buzz" on the radio and laughed as they made fun of Justin Bieber for spitting at fans over his balcony followed by tales of Miley Cyrus posting nude pics of herself on Twitter. What is wrong with these people? And what, I began to wonder, would have become of me if I followed that dream to Hollywood? Would I be the crazy girl shaving all my hair off and running into the ocean with just my thong? Would I be throwing bongs out of my hotel window with a head of purple hair? Or would I be the responsible one, donating millions to charity and adopting children from Africa (oh wait, Angelina was married to Billy Bob Thornton before the kiddos and we all know what they were doing in the limo, she had her day too!).

I guess the pressure of fame is just more than most people can handle. I mean really, who wants to be adored by millions, have enough money in the bank to buy a small island, find yourself on the cover of magazines spray painted so you don't have a single flaw on your body? Sounds terrible doesn't it? Of course you'll want to punch your boyfriend in the face with pressure like that on you. 

So in hindsight, I guess the fact that I don't have an Emmy, Oscar, Grammy or even Golden Globe on my mantel is a good thing. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to handle to stressful life that is fame. Although, it would be nice to have an excuse not to wear underwear for a change! 

Friday, July 26, 2013

Help, I'm Out of Baby Waffles


Time out is a bitch, just when I need it most too! I admit, I'm not the most fantastic disciplinarian on the planet. And yes, my boys may take advantage of that fact sometimes. But I do discipline, and time out I thought was a winner. When Jackson was younger I could put him in his room, lock the door, and wait for however long it took him to stop the tantrum in progress. Job well done! Recently though Jackson has discovered how to unlock the door from the inside, leaving me standing on the other side holding it shut as he pulls with all his might on the other side. Not exactly the most fun.

So as we work on new time-out solutions for Jackson, we move on to Trey. At two years old his tantrums are really a special treat. Like just this morning when I made him mini-pancakes for breakfast which he took one look at and began screaming and crying at the top of his lungs, "I wanted baby waffles!!!!!" I'm no Paula Deen but I'm pretty damn sure baby pancakes and baby waffles covered in syrup the way this child requests taste EXACTLY THE SAME! And yet, his tantrum went to a level that led me to deliver him to his crib for a time-out. The crib is a life saver, I can leave him in as long as need too knowing he is safe, and save my own sanity if only for a few minutes. Until today that is.... Trey can now get out of his crib on his own. Something I learned when the screaming demon was back at my feet two minutes after time-out began. Shocked to see him standing there I realized, yet another time-out down the drain.

What next? Do I have my husband extend the crib frame to the ceiling? Do I install padlocks on their doors? Do I invest in chains? Whatever the solution, I'll need it soon, I'm out of baby waffles.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I Love Looking Like a Jackass

I do it quite frequently. I think when you are the mother of two young boys you really don't have much of a choice but to look like a jackass often. What sucks is when you have to do it in front of people that you actually know. Or in this instance, are related too.

The family packed up and headed to Laramie, Wyoming last weekend for my husband's family reunion. For those of us not from Laramie a hotel room block was set up at the 5-star AmericInn (ok, maybe its only 2 stars, or 1.5...) where it turned out Travis and I were the only two lodgers with kids. All the other family members were either smart enough to leave their kids at home or old enough to just sit back and be entertained by our devils.

Entertaining they were! Running through the halls banging on doors, piling up their plates at the free breakfast buffet with enough food to feed a college fraternity house, dancing in their bathing suits from the hotel room to the pool, stealing cookies from the front desk, kicking the crap out of each other while fighting over the phone playing a movie. You get the point.

But the most entertaining portion of the weekend came on our final morning as we were getting ready for the family reunion picnic. I left my kids with Travis at the breakfast buffet while I ran up to take a shower. With a wet head, wearing my pajama's I heard a knock on the door and answered it to find Jackson and Trey. They were bored with breakfast and wanted to take the dog for a walk (yes, I made the trip even more torturous by bringing Boone along). I told them to wait on their dad only to hear the door shut behind me and realize Jackson had marched back out on his own. Out I go to reprimand him for not listening when I realize the door has shut behind me and I have no key. Trey also realizes this and begins screaming at the top of his lungs from the other side of the door. Followed by Boone barking at full volume alongside him.

Did I mention our room was on a balcony looking directly over the lobby? The same lobby where Travis' entire family sat looking up at me with a wet head, pj's, one kid running away from me and another locked in our room with a barking dog? They all had a front row seat to see me dash down the stairs, scream at the front desk for a new key, dash back up and rescue the family. In other words, looking like a jackass... AGAIN!