Mommy's Juice!: My Burly Husband: The Household Bitch   

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

My Burly Husband: The Household Bitch



My loving husband Travis is definitely a "man."  He's worked in construction, he drinks Budweiser on a daily basis and usually by 7pm at night he smells so bad you don't want to be near him. And yet somehow he still manages to be the "woman" of the household.  Stereotypes which normally are saved for the woman of a household seem to fit this man perfectly, and I thoroughly enjoy pointing this out to him as frequently as possible.  Here I give just a few examples of why my husband is a "bitch" and my response to his bitchy behavior:

Example #1:
All men seem to complain about how long it takes their "women" to get ready to go anywhere. At our house the kids and I are in the car, buckled in, and waiting for Daddy every single time we go out.  When His Highness finally appears I am more than happy to greet him with:

"Forget your tampons?"
"Did you need to apply a fresh layer of lipstick before leaving?"
"Really, you're wearing that?  I think your pink mini-skirt would look much better."

Example #2:
The annoyance normally reserved for women when men do stupid things like leaving the toilet seat up, in our house falls upon my husband when I overlook things as simple as pushing the trash down as far in the can as I can to avoid having to empty it, or spit out my toothpaste and not rinse out the entire sink.  And here are a sample of responses he receives when pointing these annoyances out to me:

"Don't get your panties in such a bunch!"
"Somebody must have their period."
"Thanks for the reminder Betty Crocker."

Example #3:
This man can talk on the phone to his fishing buddies for HOURS at a time.  Just yapping away like a teenage girl with her besties.  For these instances I use the following:

"Can you please tell your girlfriend you'll call her back?"
"Should I leave the room for this?"
"Are you guys planning your next fishing trip to Brokeback Mountain?"

16 comments:

  1. Ahhh my husband is always the last one ready too. Totally using your comments on him next time.

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  2. Mind if I use some of those? I'll link back to you...I mean I'll say I got them from you...

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  3. Haha! Wow, I can relate on the third example. Only not with the phone, but with his long visits in his friends' house and likewise. When his friends visit at home, they could almost last the whole night.

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  4. This made me laugh :-) Thanks for this post!!

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  5. LOL My husband is never ready either!
    Love your sarcasm, right up my alley :D

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  6. Very funny:) Poor Travis:(
    Thanks for sharing another humorous story,
    Kristina

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  7. Favorite post of the day today Andrea!! No question. You made me laugh.out.loud with both the title of your post and that very last line!! Try this one next..."why can't I quit you?". Works every time.

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  8. Hahaha hilarious! I love your sarcasm I do the same with my DH. It keeps us sane when we're together all the time. :D

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  9. Excellent post! It's funny how we can switch places on stereotypes. I can relate to your first example. Everyone's all ready to go and here is my DH still preparing to go. :)


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  10. Good morning! First let me say thanks for this early morning laugh! That is some funny stuff and yes I will be stealing a couple of those to! New follower via Bloggy Moms. Drop on by and see me if you get the chance, thanks.

    Kimberley

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  11. Hey those aspects are also found in my husband too...just wondering when they change really...interesting to read what you said...

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  12. This is hilarious!! My husband usually works on his hair longer then I do! What a bitch. hahah

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  13. I loved this post. I am laughing my head off while waiting on my husband to finish up in the bathroom so we can get to family dinner. Loved it! lol

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