Mommy's Juice!: Kinda Wondering What Party Mom & Dad Were Smoking...   

Monday, July 30, 2012

Kinda Wondering What Party Mom & Dad Were Smoking...

After working late on Friday and Saturday night I was looking forward to a relaxing Sunday night at home. Jackson had a birthday party to go to that afternoon, after which I was planning to hit the grocery store and pick up something yummy for hubby to make for dinner while we watched the Olympics. Unfortunately this plan fell apart.  Why?  My money is on a little girl's parents smoking some funny right before her 4th birthday party!

With a start time of 3pm on a Sunday afternoon I went into this party imagining a departure time of 5pm at the latest.  The party was for a girl in Jackson's class at preschool whose family I don't know.  But she and Jackson seem to be good friends so I hated for him to miss it.  Upon arrival I recognized a few faces but still felt like a bit of a loner as I didn't know anyone better than the occasional "Good Morning," "How ya doing's" we've shared during drop off and pick up. Therefore I spent most of the party in that awkward position of "the mom everyone thinks they should make small talk with."  Have I mentioned I'm not a fan of small talk?  Oh the things we do for our children!

After letting the kids play for what seemed like an eternity party dad looks at party mom and says, "what about the arts & crafts?"  To which she replied, "oh my goodness I totally forgot!" Out comes projects for all of the kids, fun but just a little over their heads, and therefore needing to be finished by party mom one right after another.  I tried to assist in order to speed up operations but unfortunately crafts have never been my strong point so I think I was holding things up more than helping.  When every child finally had their pirate sword or princess tiara in place, party dad starts the grilled cheese sandwiches.  A good choice for kids, but not exactly something you can make mass quantities of quickly.

Forty five minutes later the kid's meal was ready.  As they began eating I see party dad pull out a plate full of raw tuna for the grille.  Apparently this was to be the adults meal (BTW - damn good choice party dad!) that he started cooking after the kids ate.  At this point, I realize we've hit the 5pm mark and although I hate to miss the tuna and of course more small talk, I start searching for Jackson to make our exit.  But let's be serious here, what kid is going to leave a birthday party before cake is served.  So I waited for my tuna and proceeded with another twenty minutes of small talk, including an interesting conversation in which party dad makes the joke that when he started college his only interest was in making water bongs.  AHA - at this point I realize why this party is lasting an eternity, party mom and dad are on another planet! At the very end of the tuna dinner party dad tells party mom, "we should do the cake," and I can feel my exit quickly approaching.  "Oh no, I forgot," she replies, "it takes about 15 minutes of thawing before you can serve."  So close!

Fifteen minutes later cake is cut, kids are eating and I'm thinking my grocery store trip is out of the question and my dream dinner just turned into tuna with strangers but at least there was still time left to enjoy the evening at home.  This hope was destroyed as I hear party mom announce to the group, "oh my goodness, we forgot the pinata."  Trying to get Jackson home after he'd had heard the word pinata would have been like trying to pull me away from a party in college before the free keg was dry, it just wasn't going to happen.  And so I sat through the debate of where to hang the pinata, followed by the debate of what to hit it with, followed by a pinata pounding from 12 kids that didn't put so much as a dent into the damn thing.  Another turn for each kid, followed by another, followed by party mom slashing the pinata with a knife in an effort to make it easier to open, followed by another round of worthless hits, followed by the God given gift of another parent who was having as much fun as myself at this point and took it upon himself to hop in the whacking line and knock the shit out of the pirate hat that would not crack! 

Three hours and forty five minutes after arriving Jackson said his thank you's to party mom and party dad and we headed home in just enough time for, well, nothing!


  1. Oh my... the party from _____ (insert desired adjective). Sorry to hear your night was ruined, but it is amazing what we endure for our kids. I'm not a fan of small talk or unorganized parties... but have had to endure both myself as well!

  2. I'm glad I wasn't in that party! Party Mom and Dad are the worst! I admire you for sitting through the entire thing! I probably would've faked, I don't know, a heart attack or something just to get out of there quick! Small talk is torture for me too...

  3. Ooh, I hate neverending kid parties! I think I would have tried to bribe my child with a treat from the store just to get out of there. Good job sticking it out!

  4. Andrea.. sounds like y kind of party! Just kidding. No but seriously... so proud you hung in there... and I'm sure you've made a few new friends too ;) Peace, grace and blessings!

  5. Four hours... lol

    At least you stuck around, what about the moms who drop their preschooler off only to return an hour or so later to pick them up? That one always amazes me.