Mommy's Juice!: January 2012   

Friday, January 27, 2012

How's This for Embarrassing?

Last night my husband and I were being playful.  This isn’t something that happens often.  Most weeknights we are rushing to fit in dinner/bath/bed, or arguing over who is going to be the lucky one to drop the kids off at daycare the next morning, or pulling out our computers to finish the work we couldn’t get done during the day.   All of these things still needed to be done last night, but it wasn’t in the stressful mode that usually seems to overwhelm us. 

Instead it turned into a game: whenever I asked Travis to do something, like make a bottle for the baby, his response would be “show me your boobs and I’ll do it.”  So Mardi Gras it was!  I must have flashed him twenty times, which I’d say is a pretty good trade for having dinner made, kids clean, teeth brushed and sheets changed. 

I had so much fun with our little game that I thought I’d tease him with it today while we were at work.   Earlier I had asked him to text a friend of ours about getting together.  Knowing he hadn’t done it yet I sent him a text this afternoon which read: “send the text for boob action later.” 

Shortly after, my phone rang displaying his name on the screen, so I answer with, “did you get my text?”  I am more than a little shocked when the reply comes from an unrecognizable voice of what must have been an older Mexican male: “I got a message from you.”  I immediately look at the screen again, yes, its still Travis’ name but who in the hell am I talking too?
“I’m sorry, who is this?”
“You left me a message.”
Again I look at the screen and suddenly the light bulb goes off, SHIT!!!!  I’ve texted Travis’ old cell phone number that I never bothered to erase out of my phone.

“You must have the wrong number,” I say.
“No, no, you texted me…”  Off button now clicked!!

How freaking embarrassing!  My red face and screaming profanities had given me away.  I had to tell the others in my office what I had done and as you can imagine, they had a total field day with it.  Even my husband found this to be hilarious when I immediately called to tell him what had happened. 

I can only imagine how confused and yet proud this Mexican dude is feeling tonight.  I’m sure he showed the text to all his buddies at Happy Hour.  It’s not exactly something you would erase immediately.   Thank goodness the phone is still faceless!  I can just see one of his friends looking at my picture and saying, "hey, I work with her husband!"

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Evolution of a Purse

Driving down the road last week, I stuck my hand in my purse to fumble around for chapstick.  After nearly five minutes of fishing through SHI*, I had lost it!  Why am I carrying around all of this crap?  Oh yeah, I’m a mom now. 

My mind began to go back to earlier years, when my purse was more compact and easier to navigate.  I then realized how much someone could learn about you just by going through your favorite bag.  It can tell the story of who we are and where we are in our life.  (Yes, this was a long drive I was on and I had entirely too much time to think about such nonsense!) 

Today I share the evolution of my purse through its contents at different points in my life.  Yes, I can write about heavy topics sometimes!

Purse Contents at 16 Years Old:
-          Key chain: key to my parent’s house
-          Wallet: $1.53 (all change), my learner’s permit (I wasn’t allowed to get a license until I was 17, but that is a whole other story) and high school photos of all my BFF’s
-          Strawberry chapstick
-          Hair pic (yes, I had THAT hair)
-          Two single cigarettes stolen from my best friend’s mom
-          Love letter written on notebook paper from THE ONE

Purse Contents at 18 Years Old:
-          Key chain: key to my parent’s house, my dorm room, and the 1990 Used Oldsmobile I had to leave home for my sister
-          Wallet: $20, Student ID, driver’s license (what’s the use with no car), parent’s credit card (for emergencies ONLY), Express/Limited/ Victoria’s Secret credit cards, high school photos of all my BFF’s, Fake ID with the picture and information of a girl named Amy who looked nothing like me but got me in to shady joints
-          TCBY nametag
-          Strawberry chapstick
-          Still carrying around that love letter
-          Eyeliner & lipstick
-          Cigarettes, matches and 20-30 Marlboro Miles

Purse Contents at 21 Years Old:
-          Key chain: key to my parent’s house, key to the Athletic Club where I worked, key to my PO Box in Aspen, key to the dumpy rental I shared with seven other people
-          Wallet: $0, ID Card (once again no driver’s license, once again a whole other story), VISA/ MasterCard/BP/Express/Limited/Victoria’s Secret credit cards (all close to max), health insurance cards, bus pass
-          Strawberry chapstsick
-          Cigarettes & a lighter
-          Bills that need to be paid
-          CD player & headphones

Purse Contents at 30 Years Old:
-          Key chain: key to my parent’s house, key to my work/office, key to my PO Box in Aspen, key to the dumpy rental I shared with my fiancĂ©, key to my Jetta (yeah!)
-          Wallet: $100, driver’s license (yes, a real one), VISA /Victoria’s Secret credit cards, health insurance cards, gym membership card, library card, debit card, business cards
-          Strawberry chapstick
-          ipod

Purse Contents Today:
-          Key chain: key to my work/office, key to my PO Box in Aspen, key to the home I OWN!!, key to my 4-Runner
-          Wallet: $0, driver’s license, VISA/Mastercard (it’s back!)/Lowe’s/Kohl’s credit cards, health insurance cards, kid’s health insurance cards, library card, debit card, business cards, kid’s social security cards, photos of the boys
-          Strawberry chapstick (that can never be found)
-          Numerous Happy Meal toys
-          Bills that need to be paid
-          Diapers & wipes (in case of emergency!)
-          Lipstick
-          Baggies of pretzels, goldfish or other snacks
-          Camera (you never know when you are going to need it)
-          Invitation to 3-year old birthday party

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Dear Santa: a few reminders for next year

Dear Santa,

I hope you enjoyed the very kind thank you card that you recently received from my three-year old son, who seems to think that you are the coolest person in the world.  Aren’t you a lucky guy to have such adoration?  I guess the winter coat that was marked from “Mommy & Daddy” wasn’t as exciting as the brand new bike you got credit for.  Way to go fatty.

What my child failed to bring up in his adoring recap of the holiday were the very obvious mistakes made on behalf of you and your little helpers.  In the hopes that these mistakes aren’t repeated, I thought I’d go ahead and outline them for you.  Pay close attention please, you don’t want to find another note like this in your box next year, believe me.

1.       When purchasing items on-line it would be very helpful if you reviewed the dimensions of any given toy.  Sure, Jackson loves his new tent that is shaped like a castle.  However, since you failed to notice the height would reach our ceiling and the width would take up a quarter of my dining room space, this is not exactly what I would call a “winner.”
2.       No more toys with multiple pieces!  Sure, the kids love them, but do you know what a pain in the ass it is to find train track in every single room of the house.  Not to mention the trains themselves that can be very dangerous when tripped upon at 2am in the morning.
3.        From here on out I would suggest you lay off the cocktails until after assembling all gifts on Christmas Eve.  That should eliminate the screw to the finger when putting together the play kitchen, as well as the hole in the toy car that was created by your hammer.
4.       Could you please keep in mind that the liquor store is closed on Christmas Day!  For some reason this always escapes your mind, leaving me to wake up on Christmas morning with a stocking full of candy that should in fact be full of champagne and vodka for the mimosa’s and Bloody Mary’s I’ll be needing to get me through Christmas Day.

Oh, and I hope you enjoy your 364 day vacation while mommy's working her ass off to ensure you look good again next year.

All the Best,


Monday, January 2, 2012

Look Out: Mommy's Cutting Loose!

I hate the word “routine”.   To me the definition of routine is: BORING.  And yet, as a working mother with two kids under five I have suddenly found my days full of “routine.”  Wake up, make breakfast, pack lunches, change clothes, shower, drop off at daycare, work eight hours, come home, make dinner, bathe kids, lay-out clothes for the next day, put kids to bed, read, sleep.  Could my life possibly be more boring? 

So when focusing on my 2012 New Year’s resolution I decided to stray from the typical lose weight, eat more vegetables, stop drinking (so much), exercise more.  Let's be honest here, I don't think a single one of these has made it past the initial first 48 hours.  This year I put my focus on something that would make my life more interesting, not less, leading to my 2012 resolution to: DO SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY! 

Of course I don’t imagine myself skydiving or taking a spontaneous trip to Vegas each day of the week, but something, anything, that is different from the normal “routine.”  It could be as simple as listening to a new radio station on the way to work, or watching a movie after putting the kids to bed instead of going straight to bed myself.  I could try a new bottle of wine one night or taste a new beer at the local brewery.  Play a new game with the boys or read them a new story.  The possibilities are endless.  And though these may seem like small, inconsequential changes to most, for me just having that one small change in each day feels like a life-changing possibility!  Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little, but I’m seriously freaking bored here people.

I started the resolution off with a new recipe.  Yes, I am very aware that I don’t cook, but this is a new year and I must say, my cheddar cheese grits were a hit!  Today I think I’ll try curling my hair.  That’s right, I’m living on the edge.  Look out 2012, mommy’s cutting loose!