Thursday night was the hubby’s Christmas party for work. My husband works for a property management company owned by a very nice woman who LOVES Christmas, and hosts an over the top party at her home each year for the employees. When we arrived at her house I commented to Travis that it looked just like Clark W. Griswold’s house in Christmas Vacation. I am certain her neighbors are blinded each night when the lights come on. Inside isn’t much different, with decorations in every direction you look. She actually looked a little decorated herself with a short, blue, sequined dress and what I am guessing must be one of the best lifting, padded bras on the market!
Every year she puts together bags of Christmas goodies (including bonus checks!) for each employee. Before giving the bags out, she does a long speech about the company and how much she appreciates everyone, followed by a 3-5 minute thank you to each employee as she hands them their bags. We are talking like 25 employees here! Oh, and quite a few don’t speak English so even more time is wasted on the translation. By the time we got to Travis’ bag I was already texting the baby sitter to let her know we would be late.
Late we were! After bags are handed out they start the number game for gifts. You know, where you can take a gift someone got before you or pick a new one. So not only did we have to wait for each and every person to open their gifts individually, we had to sit through bargain shopping as they wandered around the room deciding if they wanted to grab someone else’s.
It was after 11pm when we left. Driving down the road I turn and notice Travis grabbed a "roadie" which he is drinking beside me. As I am explaining to him why that is stupid I notice a cop pass me in the opposite lane, leading me to look at my odometer, which I realize states I’m going 11 mph over the 25 mph limit.
You guessed it, he immediately turned around and the lights started flashing. As I’m yelling at my husband to hide his beer I know I couldn’t feel more like a teenager unless I had hair an inch off my head and was driving a dented Ford Escort.
The officer’s first remark was to let me know I was speeding. Of course I was, I’m paying a baby sitter $15/hour to watch my television set while the kids are sleeping, you’d be speeding too! Noticing the multitude of tacky gifts we've just received in the car, the officer asks where we are coming from. Just the word "party" has him sniffing like a bloodhound while I grab my registration. “It does smell like alcohol, have you all been drinking?” Well duh, how else was I going to get through 2 hours of gift giving? “He has,” I reply while pointing at my husband, “it was his party so I figured he should be the one to have the fun.” In hindsight, if I’d known how long we would be there I would have been taking shots before I left the house.
I was asked to step out of the car and then if I had been drinking too. Uh-oh! I know after only two beers I’m not drunk, but would a breathalyzer know that? I admitted to having a beer an hour earlier (not exactly a lie) and was asked if I’d be willing to take the roadside test. YIKES! I have on heels, I can’t be trusted to walk a straight line. And God knows I can’t say the alphabet backwards. Luckily the test consisted of my following a light with my eyes as he moved it from side to side. And yes, I passed with flying colors!
Back in the car he told me he would only be giving me a warning for the speeding ticket and then thanked me for being the designated driver. I felt like I had just passed my final exams in college. Might as well celebrate with a cocktail! Once I get home safely of course. Be safe out there this holiday!