Mommy's Juice!: Sex Education Lesson #1: Don't Grope!   

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Sex Education Lesson #1: Don't Grope!



I was sitting on my couch last night reading a story to Jackson, when I noticed his hand running along the side of my boob.  Hmm… I quickly moved it away and continued to read when right back to the side of my boob he went.  “Jackson, what are you doing,” I asked my three year old.  To which he replied, “what’s that?”  He then moved his hand to reach under my shirt while repeating, “what’s that under your shirt?”  By this point my husband is literally on the floor laughing his ass off as shock appears on my face and I begin to ponder exactly how to answer this question that has appeared out of nowhere. 

My initial instinct is to simply say, “these are mommy’s boobies,” but I realize that probably isn’t the best answer.  With a child in the phase of repeating everything he hears, the last word I want to expose him to is “boobies”.  Which of course leaves me with “breasts”.  I can’t even begin to explain how much I hate the word breasts.  I prefer to only use that word when letting the cashier at Kentucky Fried Chicken know what peices I want in my box.  For me it falls in the same category as “intercourse,” “bowel movement,” and God forbid: “ejaculation” (I actually get the chills just typing that one).  Some words were just meant for slang. 

Knowing I had to tell the kid something I came up with, “that’s part of mommy’s body, girls have different body parts than boys,” continuing with, “just like you and Daddy have a penis because you are boys, mommy doesn’t have a penis because she is a girl.”  At this point his hand goes directly to my crotch, elevating my husband’s laughter to a new level.  Jackson seems to be shocked not to find a penis there which I find hard to believe considering he has walked in on me in the bathroom at least three hundred times.   Our conversation now turns to why it isn’t polite to touch people in those areas. 

Yes, I'm aware there are plenty of books out there that I could read which will tell me exactly how to handle the “sex” talks from ages 3-30.  There are probably even classes I could take for $99.99 where an instructor will walk the group through the precise words to say.  But frankly, I can think of about 2.5 million other things I would like to do with my time. 

Thank goodness my husband finally came to his senses and was able to direct Jackson’s attention to another subject, relieving me momentarily from what had just happened.  Momentarily…  because today as I write this I’m sitting at my desk imagining my child walking in to daycare and immediately grabbing for his teachers crotch to determine how she pees.  

6 comments:

  1. Hilarous story!

    I'm a new GFC follower from the weekend blog hop:) Would love a follow back! There is also a hop going on at my blog:)

    http://elizakprints.blogspot.com/

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  2. Great post!! So funny!! I have a little girl who is also obsessed with body parts and the differences between genders. I also couldn't help but crack up at the words that you don't like. I have a few I could add to that as well. I am your newest follower from the favorite things blog hop.

    Heather
    www.ourgirlskeepusmoving.blogspot.com

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  3. This is hilarious! Thank you for posting the raw, honest conversation!

    Thank you for stopping by my blog. I am following you back! I am looking forward to your future posts!

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  4. This story had me laughing out loud! I cannot get myself to say breasts either. And I love that your husband was rolling on the floor with laughter. My husband would be encouraging it! :)

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  5. I'm following from the Share It Friday MeloMomma Link Up! I'm following through Google Friend Connect, Facebook, Twitter, and Networked Blogs, as applicable! A follow back would be very much appreciated!

    Also, I have a giveaway that may interest you for a free 1-year subscription to Bon Appetit magazine. Don't hesitate to stop by and enter: http://www.peaceloverecipes.com/2011/11/bon-appetit-magazine-giveaway.html

    I hope you have a great weekend!

    Much Love,
    Courtney P.
    www.peaceloverecipes.com

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  6. so funny! Not looking forward to these conversations...Ill stick with the monsters for now :)

    Thanks for linking up with me :)

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