Mommy's Juice!: Dear Diary   

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Dear Diary



Wow!  Have I ever been off track lately.  I can’t believe how long I have gone without posting.  Needless to say, my world has been a little crazy and time hasn’t exactly been on my side, but I still wish I had made more effort these last few weeks.  God knows I have the material, what with Halloween, a stomach bug, snow storms and a newfound infatuation with the word “idiot” (thanks so much 101 Dalmations!). 

This blog has become quite important to me.  Not just as an outlet to let the world know how crazy each day can be, but to give myself somewhere to store all of these memories that I know one day will bring me such joy. 

I have a terrible memory.  Maybe it’s the gallons upon gallons of beer I drank in college, or maybe it’s the multiple concussions suffered while pretending I was an Olympic snowboarder for years.  Either way, most of my high school/college years are forgotten.  If it weren’t for photos and my dear, Dear Diary, I’m not sure I could tell you much about what went on back then.  It’s sad, but unfortunately a reality I live with.

For years I was as dedicated to a diary as a girl could be, finally trailing off as I left college, got a real job, met my husband and began parenthood.  Hidden in the back of my closet are multiple journals filled with my youthful handwriting.  For years they were just books that I boxed up with every move, pages I knew were filled with silly stories of adolescence, first kisses, trips with girlfriends, graduations, a young girls goals for her future and more. 

Shortly after Jackson was born I pulled each of those journals out and began the journey of remembering.  It wasn’t far into the pile of words when that journey took a turn from remembrance to utter humiliation!  All this time I’d imagined all the wonderful tidbits I had collected over the years only to be face to face with memories that should have been buried with that whack to the head on Snowmass Mountain back before helmets were cool.

I literally couldn’t believe I had skipped writing about all the wonderful classes and things I had learned in college, to instead write about sneaking guys into our dorm, using fake id's to get into clubs, and many other forms of debauchery.  The memories came back alright, and I was going to make sure they didn’t make it any further. 

So black sharpie in hand I began to delete my past.  Granted there were many pages I wanted to stay intact.  I did write about my love for my grandparents, how I felt when leaving home, poems and songs about life, things I would want to be remembered for.  But as for which football player I might have gone home with after the kegger, time to write that off! 

Don’t get me wrong, I was by no means a trashy gal.  For me “hooked up” was as simple as a French kiss.  But imagine if my boys read this five years from now, when “hooked up” has more connotations than even I will probably understand.  Times are different, and so is language. 

I’m sure there will come another day I’ll pull out those journals and be angry at myself that I can’t remember the memories those black lines contain.  So I’ll fill in the holes with the good stuff, what I write here, and will continue to write, regardless of where life takes me.


8 comments:

  1. It's wonderful to have those memories and look back where you came from. I totally get why you are blacking them out. I love looking back on my blog.

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  2. That's so cool that you have those memories written down. How fun to look back and maybe find some kind of gem to help your own children.

    Betina

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  3. that's so great you have written down those memories. I am a wonderful photographer and organizer, but terrible and writing down the actual memories. I wish I was better at that. I'm sure your children will appreciate it as they get older. coming to you from VB. take care,

    kathryn
    www.thedragonsfairytail.blogspot.com
    www.thebusybeefamileee.blogspot.com

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  4. I loved this post! I have my diary hidden....somewhere. Scares me to think of who may find it someday. I have all those embarrassing stories that I will just die if I don't get my hands on that thing first. I'd never want my daughter to read that. Black Sharpie, here I come!

    I love my blog for the same reasons you do...documenting this fun, exciting, special time with my kiddos!

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  5. I think that's the beauty of writing in a journal - you write exactly what/how you feel right at that moment, so lots of wonderful memories, but once you've passed that moment, there is always the chance you'll read back and cringe:) I think that's why I've never kept a journal:)
    And I can relate to what you said at the beginning of your post about the word "idiot"... my (2 yo) son is currently very much enjoying saying to people "hey you - wanna fight?" thanks to Eric Carle's The Very Grumpy Ladybug book.
    Thanks for sharing - I enjoy your posts,
    Kristina :)

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  6. I have about a dozen hidden in a box in the top of my closet. There are gaps, but I'm not blacking them out. When it's time I'll burn em.
    Jill From VB

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  7. You've reminded me that I have some potentially embarrassing journals (somewhere) that either need editing or torching.

    If the kids ever get your journals, you will give new meaning to reading between the line :-)

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  8. That is something I wish I had done.....keep a diary or journal. I really wish I had started keeping one when I got engaged, married, and pregnant.

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