Mommy's Juice!: May the Flat Butt's Stop Here!   

Sunday, August 21, 2011

May the Flat Butt's Stop Here!

Poor little Trey had to have tubes put in his ears on Friday.  It’s a bummer, especially because he is so young, but we had the same procedure done for Jackson almost two years ago and he hasn’t had any ear problems since, so I know it’s a good thing.  At our last appointment with the ear doctor he asked if I had a history of ear problems, “nope,” I replied, “we can blame my husband for this one, if they end up with bad hair that will be my fault.”

This of course got me thinking, what other traits do I hope the boys don’t inherit?  Well let’s just start with Dad since he is the one who gave them his crappy ears.  What other faults of his can we hope to avoid:
  1. His work ethic: I have never met a person that hates work as much as my husband.  I have never known him to enjoy a job, or even just moderately like one.  Unfortunately, unless one of his lottery tickets ends up a winner, he’ll be dreading Monday mornings for the rest of his life. 
  2. His dance moves: at my sister’s wedding she actually asked me if his dancing was serious.  It is SO BAD.  He is always the very whitest person on the dance floor. 
  3. His feet: they are GIANT!  I hate going shoe shopping with him because he can never find anything he likes in his size.  He also has abnormally long arms which makes finding shirts a nightmare.  My sister has suggested he may have Marfan Syndrome.

Obviously I’m far from perfect myself and I can only hope the boy’s don’t inherit some of my less favorable traits:
  1. My butt: it’s flat as a pancake.  Not that butt’s are as important to boys as they are to girls but if the pants half way down your ass look happens to go out of style my boys would look so “2008” with a flat but like mine.
  2. My hyperactivity: it may be a little late for this with the behavior Jackson has been displaying lately.  As he was screaming and running around a Red Lobster recently my mom just laughed with the hostess while saying, “payback is hell.”  Indeed.
  3. My impatience: literally my worst quality.  It’s the reason I speed, the reason I have typos all over my work and the reason my husband is constantly giving me crap for forgetting the most important ingredient at the grocery store (which happened to be a leek today).

We do have good traits too!  Let's hope Daddy hands down the following:

  1. His metabolism: that man eats more than anyone I know, barely works out, and still has the same body he had in his twenties.  It is truly remarkable and I hope the boys are blessed enough to inherit it.  Although the grocery bills will probably put us on the streets.
  2. His brains: okay, I admit it, my husband is smarter than me.  Another nickname my sister gave him was “Encyclopedia Britannica” because of his huge knowledge.  So yes, I hope the boys inherit his “book smarts,” but not his “street smarts.”  In that category his stock begins to plummet.
  3. His dimples: I fell in love with them immediately and lucky boys, they both came out with the cutest dimples you’ve ever seen!  Good one dad.

And now of course, what I hope the little devils get from mom:
  1. My sense of humor: not that Dad doesn’t have a good sense of humor, I just happen to have an exceptional one!
  2. My open-mind: I think it’s important to always look at both sides of a story, understand both sides of an argument and accept people for who they are.  I love trying new things, experiencing new places, music, literature, etc.  The hubby on the other hand has ordered the exact same dish at our favorite Mexican restaurant for the last ten years.  His motto: if it ain’t broke, why fix it.
  3. My Southern Charm: (okay, maybe charm isn’t the right word)  It bothers me greatly that my boys won’t grow up Southern.  I can only hope some of the south will rub off on them from mom.  May they drink sweet tea, always say please & thank you, respect their elders, play football on Friday nights, go barefoot in the summer, and say ya’ll with just a bit of twang!


  1. My little guy got tubes too, but they didn't help his ear infections much. He still got them regularly, I would take him in and the doc would say, "Yup, his tubes are still in place...and he has an ear infection." I hope they work better for you!

  2. I have the flattest butt ever as well! Oh.. and I'm impatient with tons of typos all over my work. Glad you admit it!! haha!!