I’m not quite sure why people are so surprised about the J. Lo / Marc Anthony split. Did you not see this coming? J. Lo is SO FAR out of Anthony’s league. We are talking about People Magazine’s Most Beautiful person and a, well , to put it nicely: small, girly, looking man. I always just assumed she had married him for some cultural reason to please her parents, and he had married her in order to keep the public from thinking he was a homo-sexual.
Nope, not surprised in the slightest! In fact, to help eliminate future surprise let me go ahead and list a few more splits I expect you’ll be seeing in the near future:
1. Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick: sure, everything seems hunky dory now but these guys just added twins to the mix. Two girls! Believe me, they’re done.
2. Kris & Bruce Jenner: yes, they have been together for 20 years, but my guess is they ain’t making 20 more. Do you watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians? This woman is a complete and total celebrity whore. There is only so much understanding good ole Bruce is going to be able to take. Eventually he’ll grab that gold medal and walk.
3. Fergie & Josh Duhamel: these two are entirely too good looking to stay together. There will be cheating and there will be divorce. Count on it!
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there are celebrity couples that can make it, they are just few and far between. Here are my bets for making it “until the day I die”:
1. Sharon & Ozzy Osbourne: if Sharon has been able to put up with that man for this long, I have no doubt she’s in it until the end. Which I expect won’t be too far from now considering the lifestyle Mr. Osbourne has led.
2. Giselle & Tom Brady: for Tom to let her dictate that he keep that TERRIBLE hairdo all last football season then he must be in it for the long run. And why would she leave when she’s got that kind of hold on him?
3. Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell: how cute are they and better yet how smart? By not marrying they have shown others a ring isn’t the key to the perfect love story. I truly believe that as long as they never walk down the aisle, they will never part.
And last but not least, I’d like to give a shout-out to all the couples I hated to see die. It was these pairs that kept my interest up when skimming tabloids in the grocery store line. They will certainly be missed:
1. Brooke Mueller & Charlie Sheen: I truly fear for the day their twins decide to Google Mommy and Daddy. However on a selfish note, it’s been wonderful entertainment for me!
2. Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown: These two were disaster from the start. Talk about a brilliant career ruined. Seriously, Bobby was going somewhere with that “Rock Wit’cha” diddy.
3. Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee: a best-selling video and then they just cut us all off! Seriously? Do you know how many relationships those two spiced up? Follow ups from Paris and Kim could never compare to that romantic day on the water with the Lee’s.
A special thinks to all the trash TV and tabloids for today’s Post. May you continue to supply the ammunition needed to ruin happy celebrity relationships in order to fill your own pockets. Enjoy your futures in Hell!