Mommy's Juice!: July 2011   

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Friday Funnies #2

Back to the Friday Funnies!!  I can’t believe how fast the week has gone.  Wishing a great weekend to all!!

PIC OF THE WEEK: Jackson & the"Kicker"
checking out the baby ducks that came to visit

My son saw a dirty, bearded, homeless man on the side of the road today and asked me, “is that my Daddy?”

Can someone please tell me why Dora and Diego need to take such long pauses after asking us to answer a question?  Seriously, I could go to my computer, google “what panda’s eat,” read the article, type an essay on it and mail it to Dora in the time she gives my 3-year old to answer.

I have said this before and I will say it again: men should only be allowed to go shirtless at home or at the beach.  That’s it!  Not running on a public trail, not biking down the street, and most certainly not sitting at the bar.

Comment from my husband when he was explaining to our neighbor why our son was crying: “my WIFE’S SON is upset because Ruthie kicked him.”  I am certain had Jackson kicked Ruthie the comment would have been, “Ruthie is upset because MY BOY gave her a swift kick to the ass.”

My 3-year old knocked his drink over on the coffee table the other day.  Instead of getting up to grab a rag and clean his mess up, I continued to lie on the couch and watch him lick it up with his tongue.  Problem solved and I didn’t even have to move.

“Daddy, I went poop on the potty,” yelled at full volume by my 3-year old as he ran from the restroom, through the restaurant, to our table at dinner the other night.  Enjoy your meals everyone!

When packing my lunch on Tuesday I almost grabbed a Corona out of the fridge.  How cool would it have been to grab my sandwich and a beer, sit at my desk and pop that bad boy open right in front of everyone?  I have a feeling this might be a dare I’ll eventually accept.

Discovery of the week: (NOT FUNNY) my husband bought our 3-year old his very first fishing rod this week.  When he handed it to him I saw something change.  In Jackson’s eyes and his reaction to receiving the rod, I knew momma’s boy was about to have a new favorite.  It was bound to happen, I should have been better prepared.  As it was, my heart broke just a little….

Discovery of the week: (VERY FUNNY) Have you seen The Real Rosanne?  I’m sorry but that woman still cracks me up!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tweet This!

I have to steal a line a good friend of mine posted on Facebook recently because it truly sums up my feelings on today’s most popular social networks: “Twitter makes me want to have drinks w/people I’ve never met, Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.”  Thank you Stephanie, a more spot on comment I could not have come up with myself!

A friend from college convinced me to open a Facebook account three years ago.  Hesitant at first, it didn’t take long until I was completely hooked!  The friend requests immediately started pouring in from high school classmates I hadn’t spoken to since graduation, college roommates I thought I’d never speak to again, people I’ve worked with through the years, friends, enemies, family and quite a few people that I’m not actually sure I even know but felt bad not accepting the requests from.  So many close relationships have been reunited and for me that has been a great blessing.  When I see ex-boyfriends who’ve gained a good 50 pounds, lost a lot of their hair, or are happily cruising along with their career in mowing lawns, it secretly makes my day.  And I must say, if I ever truly question what a terrible high school education I received, all I need to do is pull up the Facebook updates for the day and look at the numerous misspellings and fragmented sentences my old classmates are posting for confirmation.  “See hubby, it isn’t my fault, we’re all stupid.”

 As my friend list grew I began learning more and more about where their lives were going, for some people, more than I would ever want to know.  I was shocked at what people would post about their personal lives.  Divorces seemed to actually be taking place online.  Arguments between friends were unraveling right there on the updates page.  Family members seemed to be communicating with each other via Facebook as opposed to sitting down at the dinner table and speaking face to face.  It really started to become a bit disturbing.

Meanwhile, I had started to manage the Twitter account for my company.  When I started the account I thought Twitter was one of the stupidest things I’d ever heard of.  Seriously, who really gives a damn what I’m doing at any point in the day.  I couldn’t think of one person who would actually want to “follow” what I had to say.  However, I did find it interesting to see what other people had to say.  Not your normal everyday people, but the celebrities of course.  I’d often be online posting a tweet about my company’s next big event when I would find myself casually dropping by to see what Britney Spears or P. Diddy had been up too.  I never actually “followed” them because I didn’t think that was appropriate with a business account.  But it was fun to take a peak here and there.

After I started Margs for Mommy I noticed how many other bloggers had Twitter accounts and thought it would make sense to start my own.  As Margs for Mommy of course, not as myself, this made it okay.  As soon as the account was opened I went straight to Hollywood following the likes of Justin Timberlake, Snoop Dogg and my personal favorite Charlie Sheen (that guy really is a riot!).  I also of course follow lots of other mom bloggers, ones who make me laugh, because we all need a good laugh in the middle of a crappy day!  And how cool is it to just pull up a page containing the thoughts and comments of random people I don’t even know all over the world??  I would much rather hear what Andy from Bravo has to say about the latest Real Housewives drama, than to read what the girl who sat behind me in Algebra had for breakfast this morning. 

So to Andy, Diddy, Britney and the rest of my Twitter buds, let me know when you might be free to grab a drink, and to my Facebook friends posting more than we need to know, you might want to duck next time you see me at the bar!   

Monday, July 25, 2011

Far From Perfect

I am certain that I’m not the only one out there that frequently argues with my husband.  I am also certain that I am not the only one who has heard this line in the middle of one of these arguments: “you think you’re so perfect!”  I find this comment humorous and often laugh when its said.  “Yes, I think I’m perfect, there is absolutely not one thing I would change about myself, you’ve nailed it on the head!”

In fact, I am very aware that I am FAR from perfect!  And I have no problem whatsoever admitting this fact.  I’m also very open about my imperfections.  For instance:

  • I can’t do a cartwheel.  Never could.  Of course in my thirties no one cares about this fact but as a child it was quite embarrassing.
  • I still hold my nose when I jump into a pool.  Unlike doing a cartwheel I do still have to jump in pools from time to time, and therefore continue to be embarrassed about this fact.  And I am sure it will only get worse once my children are the ones leading the chorus of laughter.
  • I can’t drive.  Well, technically I can drive, I just happen to stink at it.  I literally am unable to do the speed limit.  I just don’t have it in me.  And the stop sign roll through is something I have perfected.  Which of course, is not perfect.
  • I’m a HUGE Jimmy Buffett fan. Now of course, this fact is far from an imperfection for most people, but when I took my husband to his first Buffett show and he saw my “Fins to the Left, Fins to the Right” dance, we were very close to a break-up.  So I’ve decided to share that one only with fellow Parrot Heads.
  • I can’t say “Arnold Palmer.”  Every time I try I sound like my three year old.  Which actually really sucks because I happen to like Arnold Palmer’s but never order them because of the embarrassment I would face.
  • I like to be comfortable at all times.  For me comfort comes in the form of clothes that are one or two maybe even three sizes too big.  I feel great, but often look like Kirstie Alley before the diets.
  • I get bored VERY easy.  I must have something to do pretty much all of the time.  This is another imperfection that drives my husband BANANA’s!! 
  • I leave entirely too much time in between visits to the hair dresser.  Usually by the time I make an appointment my roots have hit my ears and I am looking, well, a hot mess.
So there you have it.  I am in fact, not perfect.  I am of course, always right, but that’s for another day!

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Friday Funnies

I was thinking back on this past week trying to decide what would be a good topic to write about today.  So many funny things popped to mind that I wanted to share, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on one in particular to write an entire blog about.  Hence, I share with you the first ever Margs for Mommy Friday Funnies!  The Friday Funnies will include a small sample of conversations, random thoughts and occurrences, and other tidbits that have helped make my week go by with a smile.  I hope they bring a smile to your face as well!

Doctor: “Jackson, you deserve TWO scoops of ice cream for being as good as you have today.”
Me: “Shut up Doc!”

Do you think the deflated elephant pool in the front yard with an inch of dirt water in it is an eyesore for the neighbors?

I took my 3-year old to see his very first movie: Winnie the Pooh.  For movies that boring they should totally have seat lights available for parents so we can read a book or magazine, instead of being tortured by Christopher Robin and a bunch of talking stuffed animals.

Furthermore, I am ASTOUNDED at how much it costs to take 3-year old to the movies.  Seriously $7/a ticket, $5.50 for a SMALL popcorn and $4 for a SMALL drink!  I almost told him he’d just have to run out to the water fountain anytime he got thirsty.  Lesson learned: sneak it all in next time!

 3-year old: "My tummy hurts, I need a band-aid..."

Does pushing two kids simultaneously on swings for the full forty five minutes they are requesting equal a good upper body workout?  What if in between pushes you’re lifting a beer bottle to your mouth?  That has to count, right?

Last night I dreamt that Bruce Jenner was the assistant host to Bob Barker on The Price is Right.  What does that mean??

What I don’t like about living in Colorado: four borders and not one of them is on an ocean.  I need my toes in the water, ass in the sand!

Having one of those little shopping carts they put out for kids run into the back of your leg with all the force a three year old can muster, seriously freaking hurts!

Discovery of the Week: Did you know McDonalds chocolate shakes are actually vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce mixed in?  Did you further know that their vanilla ice cream is low in fat?  I feel so cheated.  From now on it’s back to Wendy’s Frosty’s.

Husband: "For as bas as they are, at least they have penises."


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Name Game

Travis Two & Three

Naming a child is far from an easy process for most people.  Granted, there are couples who have their children’s names picked out years before the double pink line appears on the stick.  Usually these are the traditional folks who want to honor family members by carrying on their names.  I think that’s a lovely idea but unfortunately I had names to choose from like Melba, Edgar and Lois.  Sorry, I’m just not doing that to a kid. 

I did however have a boy name picked out, not from family, but from one of the best southern movies ever made, Steel Magnolias.  From the moment Shelby married Jackson I knew there would be a Jackson in my future.  This was before the name became as popular as it is today and I can’t tell you how angry I got as years before I became pregnant I saw Jackson after Jackson’s being born all over the place.  But I stuck to what I wanted which was luckily a name my husband liked as well.  Obviously I didn’t tell him at the time that I had chosen the name from a Julia Roberts movie.  After Jackson was born he overheard me telling a friend how I had come up with the name and needless to say he was not happy.  He has asked me to never tell anyone this again but a fact is a fact!

Naming our second child wasn’t as easy.  This time we knew in advance we were having a boy so we had time to prepare.  My husband felt that since I had come up with Jackson’s name that he should be the one to chose this time and he had chosen Austin.  I don’t dislike the name the Austin, however, I have never been to Austin, Texas.  I’ve heard good things about the city, but who’s to say that I don’t visit there one day and have a terrible experience.  Maybe I get mugged in Austin, maybe I get arrested for public drunkenness there??  Then what?  I have to spend the rest of my life calling my child the name of a place that holds such a horrible memory for me?  Sorry, couldn’t do it. 

And so began hours of trying to come up with a name that would steer my husband away from baby Austin.  There are so many things to consider when naming a child.  What cruel nickname could come out of your choice?  I like the name Luke but would hate for him to be called Dookey Lukey.  Initials should always be considered as well.  I overheard a father in the hospital proudly telling the nurses that he had come up with his baby girls name “Aspen Skye,” then he rather reluctantly mentioned that he hadn’t considered his last name “Sanchez” when making that decision.  ASS it is!

Eventually I came up with a name I knew my husband couldn’t refuse, his own!  My husband, Travis, was given his father’s first name with a different middle name.  I’m not a huge fan of the name Travis (which oddly enough was the name my parents were planning to give me if I had been a boy) but I do love the name Trey.  And since he would be a non-traditional third it worked.  So baby Trey it was!  Which I was completely thrilled with, even though my sister said it “was a little too Boyz in the Hood.” 

A few months after Trey was born, fate came back to bite me.  As I was driving to work I heard a Phish song on the radio and the light bulb went off.  For those of you who know Phish I am sure you know the lead singers name, Trey Anastasio.  My husband just happens to be a huge Phish fan.  I immediately called him and received the response of “duh, why do you think agreed to that name?  You got your Steel Magnolias baby and I got my Phish fan.”  Isn’t it funny how things work out?

Monday, July 18, 2011

Never Meant to Last....

I’m not quite sure why people are so surprised about the J. Lo / Marc Anthony split.  Did you not see this coming?  J. Lo is SO FAR out of Anthony’s league.  We are talking about People Magazine’s Most Beautiful person and a, well , to put it nicely: small, girly, looking man.  I always just assumed she had married him for some cultural reason to please her parents, and he had married her in order to keep the public from thinking he was a homo-sexual. 

Nope, not surprised in the slightest!  In fact, to help eliminate future surprise let me go ahead and list a few more splits I expect you’ll be seeing in the near future:

1.      Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick: sure, everything seems hunky dory now but these guys just added twins to the mix.  Two girls!  Believe me, they’re done.
2.       Kris & Bruce Jenner: yes, they have been together for 20 years, but my guess is they ain’t making 20 more.  Do you watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians?  This woman is a complete and total celebrity whore.  There is only so much understanding good ole Bruce is going to be able to take.  Eventually he’ll grab that gold medal and walk.
3.      Fergie & Josh Duhamel: these two are entirely too good looking to stay together.  There will be cheating and there will be divorce.  Count on it!

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there are celebrity couples that can make it, they are just few and far between.  Here are my bets for making it “until the day I die”:

1.    Sharon & Ozzy Osbourne: if Sharon has been able to put up with that man for this long, I have no doubt she’s in it until the end.  Which I expect won’t be too far from now considering the lifestyle Mr. Osbourne has led.
2.     Giselle & Tom Brady: for Tom to let her dictate that he keep that TERRIBLE hairdo all last football season then he must be in it for the long run.  And why would she leave when she’s got that kind of hold on him?
3.     Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell: how cute are they and better yet how smart?  By not marrying they have shown others a ring isn’t the key to the perfect love story.  I truly believe that as long as they never walk down the aisle, they will never part.

And last but not least, I’d like to give a shout-out to all the couples I hated to see die.  It was these pairs that kept my interest up when skimming tabloids in the grocery store line.  They will certainly be missed:

1.     Brooke Mueller & Charlie Sheen: I truly fear for the day their twins decide to Google Mommy and Daddy.  However on a selfish note, it’s been wonderful entertainment for me!  
2.    Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown: These two were disaster from the start.  Talk about a brilliant career ruined.  Seriously, Bobby was going somewhere with that “Rock Wit’cha” diddy.
3.   Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee: a best-selling video and then they just cut us all off!  Seriously?  Do you know how many relationships those two spiced up?  Follow ups from Paris and Kim could never compare to that romantic day on the water with the Lee’s. 

 A special thinks to all the trash TV and tabloids for today’s Post.  May you continue to supply the ammunition needed to ruin happy celebrity relationships in order to fill your own pockets.  Enjoy your futures in Hell!

Friday, July 15, 2011

How a Southern Belle Landed Herself in the Wild, Wild, West

Fourteen years of living in Colorado and I still haven’t lost my southern accent.  It may not be as thick as it was the day I arrived, but it is definitely still there.  This fact leaves me having to frequently answer the question, “what brought you to Colorado?”  Some of my favorite answers include:

-          My parents brought me here to ski every year as a child and I knew this is where I had to be.  TRUTH: other than a few trips to Bush Gardens our family vacation consisted of Myrtle Beach every single year, I barely knew Colorado existed.
-          I’m an outdoor enthusiast who absolutely had to be in the Rocky Mountains.  TRUTH: when I arrived in Colorado the only thing I was enthusiastic about was smoking and drinking.
-          I’m a scientist for the United States Government studying the effect of global warming in high altitude destinations.  TRUTH: obvious!

I make up these lies about my move to the West simply because the truth is too embarrassing: I moved to Colorado from North Carolina out of pure and simple laziness.  Here’s the lowdown, I went to college at Appalachian State University in the beautiful town of Boone, NC.  After a year of having absolutely no idea what I wanted to major in I stumbled upon an area of interest: Recreation Management.  Who knew you could actually get a degree in recreation?  I was sold.  My dad, who was paying for this education, not so much.  Let’s just say the phone call announcing my decision didn’t exactly go well.  But eventually he accepted the fact that his well-saved money would more than likely be going towards a career of sweeping gyms. 

After four years (you’re damn right I did it in four years, of course it wasn’t exactly a hard class load) it was time to graduate, but before I could actually receive a diploma I was required to do an internship in my chosen field. 

My classmates began sending out resumes early that last semester.  I myself was entirely too busy trying to milk every last minute of college life I could, partying at all hours of the day and generally paying little attention to studies.  As graduation came closer the reality that I had only sent out one resume and never heard back from the resort became an issue.  If I didn’t get that pretty piece of paper to frame and put on my wall my dad was not going to be a happy camper.

As I start to freak out luck came my way.  A good friend who was graduating in the same situation had accepted an internship in Snowmass Village, Colorado and could no longer take it.  “Why don’t you just go in my place?”  One phone call later my problem was solved and I was headed to a place I had never even considered going to.

Little did I know just how freaking cool of an area I was headed.  My new employers offered me free housing right in the heart of Aspen, Colorado.  A place where at the time, males outnumbered females about 8 to 1, parties lasted even longer than they did in college, and the real world still seemed a million miles away.  The entire summer of my internship I heard over and over, “you have to stay for a winter,” and so I did, and then another summer, and then another winter, and then, well you get the point.

So here I am, fourteen years later.  Things have of course changed since my early Colorado years.  I no longer live in a three bedroom house in Aspen with seven roommates.  I don’t get to snowboard five days a week like I used to.  All-night parties have turned into early evening get-togethers with friends and our kids.  And who cares about the boy to girl ratio since I found my hubby three years in to this ride.  But there are some things that will never change: this is simply one of the most beautiful places in the world and I am so very fortunate to live here and raise my children here. Oh, and I’ll continue to pull a lie out of my ass every single time someone asks me “what in the world brought you to Colorado?”

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

H-E-Double Hockey Sticks!

Have you noticed how your entire vocabulary tends to change once you have kids?  Lately I feel like I speak a new language, one that I call “Mommy Speak.”  The most obvious change for a potty mouth like myself, was of course curbing the profanity.  I realized this was necessary when my mother came to visit last December.  We were driving down to Denver when Jackson, my then two year old, had a problem with his DVD player in the backseat and yells s**t!  A grin spreads across my mom’s face as I explain sternly, “Jackson, we do not use that word!”  Her grin then turns in to a full blown laugh as he replied back, “that’s right, only mommy and daddy use that word.”  From that day on my F bombs became ‘effing and phrases like darn, phooey and shucks replaced some of my favorite adjectives, nouns and verbs.

In addition to watching our profanities my husband and I have also started a “spelling bee” vocabulary in our home.  This is where you don’t want the kids to hear what you are saying so you spell out the words.  For instance, “would you like to take the kids to the P-A-R-K,” or “how about I make T-A-C-O-S for dinner?”  This form of communication actually started before we had kids when we were trying to keep things from Boone, our chocolate lab, “want to take B-O-O-N-E on a W-A-L-K?”  Until our oldest learns to spell this should be an effective way of keeping him from getting too excited about something before its actually confirmed to happen.  Unless of course the question is something like, “should we get a B-O-U-N-C-Y H-O-U-S-E for his B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y P-A-R-T-Y?”  Questions like that just open up too much room for mistakes in which my husband and I can make fun of how stupid the other is.   And honestly, he’s a better speller.

Then there’s the all new bodily function talk that moms start to pick up.  This includes lovely words like toots, poop and potty.  And the answer is yes, I do feel completely ridiculous when asking my son in public “sweetie, does that toot mean you need to go poop on the potty.”  But what’s my alternative, “honey, I hear you passing gas, does this mean you need to go have a bowel movement in the restroom?”  I’ll go for poop on the potty any day over that.  

Finally there's of course, baby talk.  This is one in which I have attempted to have no part of.  I promise you won’t hear any “goo goo ga ga’s” coming out of this mouth.  But I will admit I have come close, repeating phrases to the boys like “who is the cutest baby in the world, you are, that’s right you are.”  My brother-in-law once heard me in one of these moments and replied quietly to my sister “Shiloh Pitt.”  This was of course before Angelina and Brad started letting her dress like a boy.

So next time you hear a mom at the grocery store scream out “H-E-double hockey sticks,” don’t worry.  It just means the cutest kid in the world has ‘effing pooped his pants and phooey she forgot a change of clothes so they won’t be going to get P-I-Z-Z-A when they leave.  Darn it, she was actually looking forward to that!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

If He Looks Like He's Going to Walk, Push Him Down!

I think the majority of first time mothers go into parenting knowing ZERO about what is going to happen.  Parenting is truly the biggest learning experience I’ve ever faced.  Aside from a few small things I picked up doing a little baby sitting when I was younger, I literally knew NOTHING about children, much less babies.  From the moment your first child is born the learning begins.  And three years in to this adventure called motherhood I’m still learning new things every day.  For instance, just last week I learned from our pediatrician that a little brown sugar water can help with constipation.  And the very next day I learned that you should not dress  your child in their good clothes the day after serving said sugar water.

So for all of you new moms out there I thought I would put together a few tips I’ve learned to save you the trouble of having to figure these out on your own later.  Trust me, there are some things that “What to Expect the First Year” just aren’t going to tell you!

  1. You may think that you want to push crawling, walking and talking, but believe me you don’t!  Enjoy the time you have to just sit, once those babies start moving you’ll be burning calories like you’re running daily marathons.  And talking?  Sure it’s cute to hear that first mama and daddy, but when that becomes, “I want juice, I like juice, give me juice, where is my juice, I dropped my juice, I need more juice,”  you’re sure to miss the days of occasional waa’s and woo’s.
  2. Too much sugar is in fact not a good thing.  I always thought this was a myth.  Something that parents made up years ago to keep kids from overeating sweets and turning into fatties.  I was in fact wrong.  I learned this after my son’s first encounter with ice cream which immediately turned him into the Tasmanian devil.
  3. Hangovers are actually easier to handle on days that you have to work vs. days you stay home.  I can handle eight hours staring at my computer with a pounding headache much easier than eight hours of playgrounds, musical chairs and the hangover worst: duck, duck, goose.  The last thing you want when you have a headache is a toddler banging you in the head.
  4. You’re house will never again be clean.  Try as you may, as soon as you erase the crayon mural in your living room you are certain to have an “accident” on the bedroom sheets.  Vomit stains on the carpet, milk spills in the kitchen, it never ends.  
  5. Save your money for fancy toys when they are older, believe me, your toddler will be happier playing with the boxes his or her Christmas gifts came in than the gifts themselves.  Better yet, throw some tupperware in the box.  Tupperware is like an X Box for a 1 year old.    
  6. Television is not the enemy.  Although I don’t encourage all day Sponge Bob marathons, I have come to find turning on a few episodes of Scooby Doo from time to time not only allows me to get a few things done, but also has educational benefits for the kids.  Where else is he going to learn how to outrun a zombie?
  7. Unless you are absolutely, 100% sure, something is going to happen, don’t mention it.  I have made this mistake many times.  “Nathan is coming over to play today” only to find out that Nathan has gotten a terrible case of diarrhea thirty minutes before his scheduled arrival time and won’t be making it.  Or “how about we go to the pool today,” ten minutes before a downpour begins.  There is nothing harder than explaining why you are a liar to your toddler.
  8. And this leads me too: honesty is not always the best policy.   When my son is asking to go to the library on a day that I have a million other things to do it’s much easier for me to say, “the library is closed,” than to have to explain that we don’t have time to go to the library because mommy forgot to renew the tags on her car and has to go downtown with a check before the police arrest her.
  9. Unless you have a padded cell in your house time-out is a total waste of time.  I’ve tried time-out in the bedroom, he simply plays with his toys in there.  I’ve tried time-out in my bedroom, only to walk in and find him dressed in one of my shirts and wearing heels.  I’ve even tried time-out in the bathroom where he entertained himself by pumping soap out of the dispenser the entire time creating a mini-skating rink on the bathroom floor.  I’m a counter myself.  “You better get yourself in this house by the time I count to five!”  Luckily by the time I hit the number 3 my son has usually done what he was told, which is good thing because when I do finally hit 5 I’m not sure what’s supposed to happen next.
  10. Do not waste your time driving yourself insane reading all the books about first time parenting.  My first child had acid reflux with a dash of colic and I spent hours and hours reading books and online information, trying to find a way to make things better.  Eventually I gave up, and when I did I relaxed, and when I relaxed he seemed to relax.  Every child is different and no book is going to tell you exactly what you are doing right or wrong.  As long as you love and care for your child to the best of your ability, you're doing just fine.        

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Today when I dropped my three year old off at daycare his teacher announced that they had a new friend in class.  She introduced Mason to my son who immediately says hello and starts to play with his new friend. 

Afterwards as I was driving to work I thought of how great it would be if it was always that easy to make friends.  For my son, every single kid in his daycare is his “friend.”  And when one friend throws sand at another friend instead of fighting they are taught to use their “words.”  

I began imagining a world where we continue this positive behavior as we grow older.  There would no longer be a popular crowd to make fun of the nerds because they would all be the same crowd.  Band geeks would start scoring as much as the football team (and of course I’m not talking about points on the board).  The dude who picks his nose all day would be eating at the same lunch table as the homecoming queen. 

Lawyers would be driving Hyundai’s instead of BMW’s because when we’re all “friends” using our “words” we aren’t divorcing or murdering quite as much.  That would also mean that jails would be less crowded so people like Lindsay Lohan can actually finish out their entire sentences. 

How different might things have been if I had used “words” with my ex-boyfriend instead of slapping him across the face when I thought he had been cheating on me?  Instead of screaming profanities I could have simply said, “Friend, what you have done with that trashy blonde has hurt me.  I don’t like it, I don’t like it.”  Maybe then we could have worked things out and continued our “friendly” relationship.

I’m not really sure at what point our “friends” start becoming that weird kid we once went to daycare with but don’t even say hello to on the bus.  Or when the “words” we use tend to be four letters long and spit out in a very loud voice.  I guess I’ll be finding out soon as my son grows up.  For now I’m just happy he has so many friends!     

Friday, July 1, 2011

Happy Holiday Birthday to Me!

July 4th weekend has always been special to me.  In addition to the all important birthday of America, another quite important birthday takes place over the weekend, MINE!!  I’m a July 2nd baby who has fully taken advantage of the proximity to a holiday weekend for celebrating that fact.  Unlike Christmas babies, who we all know get less gifts with their birthdays being around a holiday, I never had to worry about less presents since July 4 is not a giving holiday.  The only disadvantage I ever faced with my birth date was the fact that my mom insisted on buying me an American flag cake every year.  Instinct tells me they must have been on sale but according to her she just thought it was “fitting.”

I’m one of those people who likes to make a really big deal out of birthdays.  I fully want to be spoiled and in return fully spoil those I love on their special days.  Before having kids this meant long weekend camping trips with all of our friends or big extravagant parties with live music, keg stands and a few too many shots to celebrate. 

Since having kids, things have gotten a little less exciting.  Because our first child was born a month before my birthday, that years big day consisted of a post partum hysterical crying session over a take-out pizza while I repeated over and over, “why did we do this?”  The following two birthdays, though better, were far from the good times pre-kid birthdays brought.  I believe my birthday request for both was to please have at least two hours to myself. 

The most exciting of my pre-kid birthdays was the one that actually led to their future arrivals.  After living together for quite a while and realizing I was quickly approaching my 30th birthday, I gave my then boyfriend an ultimatum, “I want to be engaged by the time I’m 30 or I think we need to split.”  I explained that I was ready to settle down, wanted to start thinking about kids, and that I hoped he was on the same page, especially since he was five years older than me.  Keep in mind, at this time my husband was a total ski bum, bouncing around from job to job just to get by.  Marriage and children were far from the top of his mind. 

Days, weeks and months passed by and no shiny objects appeared on my finger.  As July approached I began planning my birthday weekend camping trip.  On July 1st, one day prior to my 30th birthday we set up camp and the two of us went out for a hike.  Sure enough, in true slacker fashion, less than 12 hours from my ultimatum deadline, in the middle of a hike with a beautiful Rocky Mountain backdrop, the ring appeared.  Nothing like waiting for the last minute!  That was exactly six years ago today.  One wedding and two kids later it’s still my favorite birthday memory. 

This year’s birthday will be spent trying to sneak in my two free hours for a pedicure or bike ride on my own.  No big parties, no camping trips due to an infant ear infection, but still just as happy a birthday as I’ve ever had because all of my wishes have already come true!