Mommy's Juice!   

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Why Can't They Lie When I Want Them Too?


Jackson hops in the car this morning where I am waiting to drive him to camp and my first question is: did you brush your teeth? "Yes," he replies. "Is that the truth," I ask. "Yes, I don't lie!" Alrighty then, car goes into drive, Mommy hits the gas, looks in rear view mirror and sees Daddy chasing us down the driveway with a toothbrush in his hand. Nope, Jackson doesn't lie at all!

And he certainly doesn't lie WHEN I WANT HIM TOO. Example: we are at the pool a couple of weeks ago and Trey starts dancing around in the water yelling "I need to go pee! I need to go pee!" As I am scooping him up to race to the restrooms the following conversation took place between Jackson & I in front of the entire pool:

Jackson (yelling): Just go in the pool Trey!

Me (in my most serious, very responsible Mommy voice): Jackson honey, we do not pee in the pool.

Jackson (now yelling even louder as I am moving further away from him): But I pee in the pool all the time!

Me (defeated yet still giving it the old college try): You do not!

Jackson (never one to give up a chance at the last word): I just did!

Honesty can be a bitch. Last Saturday the boys and I went bike riding on a trail with a section that runs through a high-end golf course. We stopped for a quick water break just as a ball hit the grass by us and bounced directly on the trail in front of us. Jackson heads straight towards the ball just as the caddy comes running up yelling "nooooo." Luckily Jackson tends to listen to strangers better than he does me and stopped dead in his tracks before reaching the ball. 

"Why can't I pick up the ball'" Jackson innocently asks the caddy. 

To save the caddy I answer, "we aren't allowed to take balls from the golf course honey."

To which he replies WHILE PICKING UP THE DAMN BALL, "Why not? We do it all the time
Mommy." A flip in the air and a drop in his pocket later I stand ashamed, tattled on by a righteous 6 year old who doesn't know when to keep the truth to himself.

Next thing you know he'll be announcing at every Amusement Park "But Mommy, Trey isn't under 3 anymore!" But back to my first problem, where in the world would be learning to lie like that!



Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Raising a Lady's Man


A friend recently asked Jackson if the girl he was playing with was his "girlfriend."  Needless to say this question for a six year old boy is right in line with asking a woman of my age and size, "are you pregnant?" Embarrassing!!!!

So here we are at the "boy's rule, girl's drool" stage. Dolls are stupid, anything pink must not even touch their manly sensitive skin, and even though both of my kids can sing every word of "Let it Go," by heart, Princess' are far inferior to dragons and legos! Being the only girl in my house I should probably take offense to my children's sudden disgust of anything having to do with the female species. But they're young! I'm sure my dad ignored by "girl's rule, boy's drool" days too. I've just been taking it all lightly, knowing one day when I've got a 15 year old's dad knocking on my front door that I'll wish they still didn't like girls!

My lightness took a sudden turn last night though as they boys were exchanging their usual jabs at each other:

Trey: "You smell like butt crack!"
Jackson: "You eat your boogers!"
Trey: "You like stinky girls!"
Jackson: "You bite girls butt's!"
Trey: "You....." 
HOLD UP!!!!! Did I just hear "bite girls butt's?" Okay, maybe we've gone a bit far here. I'm not raising the next Marv Albert am I??????

Time for Mom to step in, teach a little respect, explain why girls in fact don't stink as bad as boy's do and that girl's butt's are not made for biting but little boy's who say such nasty things just might have butt's made for spanking. After receiving "yes m'ams" from around the table I went back to my business, only to hear a whispering smirk behind me, "Mommy's your girlfriend!" Hands down, the best insult of the night!


Wednesday, May 14, 2014

That Was No Cartoon!

12 Years a Slave (2013) Poster

My oldest son is nearly 6 and I can tell you, in the last six years the only movies I've seen in a theatre have involved some sort of animated animal, Princess, or odd looking Lego character. So yes, I'm late to the party. I'm that person watching the Oscars and pulling for whoever looked best in the trailer since I never actually made it to the movie.

From there I sit back and wait for the day when rushing my kids to the children's section of the library I may notice one of these Oscar winners on the front row of the movie rental section and can grab it before one of the boys screams loud enough to have my library card revoked!

Such was the case last week when I noticed the title "12 Years A Slave." I immediately grabbed it having heard the reviews and praise. I watched the movie last night after the kids were in bed and I sit here tonight with it still haunting me. An outstanding movie without doubt. A story, based on an actual real person's experiences, that is riveting. And yet, one of the most disturbing movies I've ever sat through.

But sit through it I did. Through the beatings, through the emotions that will rip your heart out, through the inequality, disrespect and unspeakable racism that I can only pray my children are never privy too. I sat through it and cried, tried to understand that unspeakable pain and despair, because what right do I have to turn my back to it? 

If I had rented Oscar nominee The Wolf of Wall Street instead, would I have even remembered it today? Would I have taken the time last night to pray for those poor souls that suffered through lives of slavery?

No, I don't have much time for movies these days. But damn if I'm not thankful for picking up one that reminds me of how lucky my children and I are to live in a place without that extreme racism. Racism as a whole will likely never end, but thank God for reminders to teach equality of all people to our children in the hopes that positive change continues and eventually wins.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Taking One for the Team



Below you will find an actual email exchange between my boss and I that took place last week when I noticed that my favorite band, Pearl Jam, would be headlining the ACL Festival this fall. 

From: Me
Sent:
To: Him
Subject: Fwd: The 2014 Lineup Is Here

I think I need to go do some research at this one!

From: Him
Sent:
To: Me
Subject: RE: The 2014 Lineup Is Here

What and leave your family behind?

From: Me
Sent:
To: Him
Subject: RE: The 2014 Lineup Is Here

YES, just this once I would take one for the team.

From: Him
Sent:
To: Me
Subject: RE: The 2014 Lineup Is Here

Your work ethic is admirable. 

Do you think that was sarcasm? I think it just might have been. My guess is the root of his sarcasm is coming from the fact that I recently asked for a more flexible schedule so that I could spend more time with my family. Which I was very generously granted. Little did I know at that time that PEARL JAM would be playing at a Festival I've wanted to go to for years!! And because I actually work for an organization that puts on music events, I think it is the perfect opportunity for me to do some research. 

So yes, I do want to take one for the team!! Yes, my work ethic is admirable! And yes, he told me no.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Butt It's Spring Break!

I'm just guessing that for most moms spring break is a happy time. A time to spend time with your children that you don't normally have. To get to explore the things they have learned through the school year. To celebrate their accomplishments thus far. This was my image of my first spring break with a kindergartner.

So can someone please explain to me how this magical week ended with me close to a murder conviction and two kids with the biggest potty mouth I've ever heard??

Seriously, what the fu#% is funny about the constant repeat of words like: "butt" "penis" "boogers" "fart" and "crack." It starts with the 5 year old, rubs off on the three year old, and before I know it my 40-something year old husband is telling me he feels a fart exploding from his butt crack!

Here I was expecting an opportunity to explore how far he's come since his first day of school. Exploring what a great reader he's become! How well his addition & subtraction has come! How many sentences he can now say in Spanish!

But in the place of my hola's and adios' I was greeted with "butt cracks," and "stinky farts." I know my child is better than this! I know he's learned more this year than kids that eat boogers are gross. Where is my future Harvard Grad? Should I be worried he's more interested in bodily functions than body mass?

Maybe I should. Or maybe I should just look at spring break like I did when I was younger, a release from the mind, a release from the order, the party of the year!!!!!!  Or......for a five year old, the chance to say "butt" as many times as you can in one week!