Mommy's Juice!   

Monday, August 24, 2015

Why I Drink Wine

1. I have two kids ages 7 and 4.
2. I own a 1 year old lab who enjoys chewing my shoes, eating my groceries and sleeping on top of my head.
3. Wine is cheaper than therapy.
4. I have two kids ages 7 and 4.
5. It tastes good with the hot dogs I serve twice a week.
6. It also tastes good with burgers, tacos, french fries and my signature "pizza from the frozen foods section"
7. Health benefits, duh!
8. I have two kids ages 7 and 4.
9. Wine tends to improve my dance moves, as well as my singing voice.
10. I have a job. Work makes me thirsty.
11. Lifting a wine glass is much easier than lifting a weight.
12. I have two kids ages 7 and 4.
13. It's classy, well classier than Bud Light.
14. I find enjoyment in spinning the stem of my wine glass.
15. I don't have to mix things.
16. I have two kids ages 7 and 4.
17. My lips and tongue look good with a little red tint.
18. I tend to be friendlier (or should I just say friendly) with a little juice in the belly.
19. It expands my creativity, just look at how amazing this post is!
20. I have two kids ages 7 and 4.

Why do  you drink wine? Let me know and CHEERS to you!

Thursday, August 20, 2015

45 Going On 3

Have I mentioned that I'm the mom of a 4-year old going on 17, a 7-year old going on 30 and a 45-year old going on 3. They don't need a mom, they need a parole officer! But unfortunately I don't have a criminal justice degree and really don't like the look of bars on my windows, so I guess the title "mom" will have to stay. 

"Dad" (ie the 3 year old) is helpful, in a "happy to fix that shower head," kind of way. What Dad is not, is responsible! Which has made this summer an utter nightmare for "mom." After an entire three months with two boys all over the place he still can't seem to remember basic essentials to summer parenting. Such as:

- Sunscreen is a necessary evil of sending your child outside
- A day at the swimming pool is not the equivalent of having a bath
- Camping is no excuse for not brushing your teeth for three days
- Beer is not for breakfast just because mom wants to have some time to herself
- When camp sends home a permission slip it needs to be signed, not left in your truck for two weeks

So while I've been packing lunches, sorting towels, tennis shoes or flip flops, making sure one kid hits the park by 8am and the other soccer at 10, Dad could be found in his man cave (ie our garage) hiding from what he doesn't know. Maybe I should consider that a blessing though considering I've got new shelves in the garage and the door handle is fixed! I guess we all have our talents.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

We've Gotta Get Out More!

Living far from family is a bummer. You miss hanging out with them, you miss their home cooking, you miss free baby-sitting.... Okay, so it's the free baby sitting I miss the most, can you blame me? Unfortunately I still haven't been able to find reliable baby sitters. They've all come and gone faster than I can get the kids to remember their names. Which makes a night out for the hubby and I a mere illusion of something that happened a long, long time ago.

Recently I did a favor for one of my son's teachers and in return she offered to baby sit. Normally the only time I go out of my way to schedule a sitter is if Travis or I have a work commitment. With no work commitments on the horizon I realized we could actually take the night to do WHATEVER WE WANTED!!!! And what I wanted, more than anything, was dinner and a movie. 

The last time we went to dinner and movie was in 2007. Yes, 2007! When we got into the theater my husband sat down in one of their cush seats and asked, "when did they get these?" Uh... three years ago. (I only know this because I've taken a few naps in the seats for such wonderful performances as The Lego Movie).

We went to see Gone Girl, which even with the early show didn't end until after 9pm. As we were leaving I asked Travis if he wanted to go grab a bite to eat. His response... "do you think anyone is still serving?" WE HAVE GOT TO GET OUT MORE!!!

Upon arriving to one of our favorite restaurants, for the first time with no kids on our side since Jackson was born, Travis was shocked to hear that we'd have to wait on a table. As if we were the only two people in town that could have possibly still been looking for food at that time on a Friday night!!

I ate as slowly as I could, trying to enjoy every second of the freedom I'd missed. Hell, I even made Travis hold my hand at one point, an action that would have sent our two boys in hysterics had they been there. In fact, they probably would have found the entire night funny. Why in the world would Mommy and Daddy want to hang out without us? That couldn't possibly be any fun! Guess what kiddo's - it was fun and now that I remember how fun it is to hang out WITHOUT YOU I intend to go baby sitter hunting. 

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Why Can't They Lie When I Want Them Too?

Jackson hops in the car this morning where I am waiting to drive him to camp and my first question is: did you brush your teeth? "Yes," he replies. "Is that the truth," I ask. "Yes, I don't lie!" Alrighty then, car goes into drive, Mommy hits the gas, looks in rear view mirror and sees Daddy chasing us down the driveway with a toothbrush in his hand. Nope, Jackson doesn't lie at all!

And he certainly doesn't lie WHEN I WANT HIM TOO. Example: we are at the pool a couple of weeks ago and Trey starts dancing around in the water yelling "I need to go pee! I need to go pee!" As I am scooping him up to race to the restrooms the following conversation took place between Jackson & I in front of the entire pool:

Jackson (yelling): Just go in the pool Trey!

Me (in my most serious, very responsible Mommy voice): Jackson honey, we do not pee in the pool.

Jackson (now yelling even louder as I am moving further away from him): But I pee in the pool all the time!

Me (defeated yet still giving it the old college try): You do not!

Jackson (never one to give up a chance at the last word): I just did!

Honesty can be a bitch. Last Saturday the boys and I went bike riding on a trail with a section that runs through a high-end golf course. We stopped for a quick water break just as a ball hit the grass by us and bounced directly on the trail in front of us. Jackson heads straight towards the ball just as the caddy comes running up yelling "nooooo." Luckily Jackson tends to listen to strangers better than he does me and stopped dead in his tracks before reaching the ball. 

"Why can't I pick up the ball'" Jackson innocently asks the caddy. 

To save the caddy I answer, "we aren't allowed to take balls from the golf course honey."

To which he replies WHILE PICKING UP THE DAMN BALL, "Why not? We do it all the time
Mommy." A flip in the air and a drop in his pocket later I stand ashamed, tattled on by a righteous 6 year old who doesn't know when to keep the truth to himself.

Next thing you know he'll be announcing at every Amusement Park "But Mommy, Trey isn't under 3 anymore!" But back to my first problem, where in the world would be learning to lie like that!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Raising a Lady's Man

A friend recently asked Jackson if the girl he was playing with was his "girlfriend."  Needless to say this question for a six year old boy is right in line with asking a woman of my age and size, "are you pregnant?" Embarrassing!!!!

So here we are at the "boy's rule, girl's drool" stage. Dolls are stupid, anything pink must not even touch their manly sensitive skin, and even though both of my kids can sing every word of "Let it Go," by heart, Princess' are far inferior to dragons and legos! Being the only girl in my house I should probably take offense to my children's sudden disgust of anything having to do with the female species. But they're young! I'm sure my dad ignored by "girl's rule, boy's drool" days too. I've just been taking it all lightly, knowing one day when I've got a 15 year old's dad knocking on my front door that I'll wish they still didn't like girls!

My lightness took a sudden turn last night though as they boys were exchanging their usual jabs at each other:

Trey: "You smell like butt crack!"
Jackson: "You eat your boogers!"
Trey: "You like stinky girls!"
Jackson: "You bite girls butt's!"
Trey: "You....." 
HOLD UP!!!!! Did I just hear "bite girls butt's?" Okay, maybe we've gone a bit far here. I'm not raising the next Marv Albert am I??????

Time for Mom to step in, teach a little respect, explain why girls in fact don't stink as bad as boy's do and that girl's butt's are not made for biting but little boy's who say such nasty things just might have butt's made for spanking. After receiving "yes m'ams" from around the table I went back to my business, only to hear a whispering smirk behind me, "Mommy's your girlfriend!" Hands down, the best insult of the night!